July 19th

A Kidz Guide to Why Chickens Really Cross Roads


I’m sure you’ve heard the joke, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” And I’m sure you know the answer, “To get to the other side.” Truth is…that really isn’t the right answer. There are many reasons chickens cross roads. Chickens are just like you and me. Well, not exactly like you and me, but they’re close. Okay, they’re not even close to being like you and me-BUT, their reasons for crossing roads are similar to why humans cross roads.

As usual, I’ve made a list to prove my point…

      1. They need to get home. Because they crossed the road when they left home, they need to cross it again to get back. Pretty simple stuff.
      2. They need to go to work. Chickens have jobs. Some lay eggs. Some crow. Some have the beak breaking job of ground pecking. Some chickens cackle. And, some chickens even have to…forget it, I won’t go there since those chickens don’t make it home after they’ve gone to work, so I guess those chickens don’t have to worry about crossing any roads…ever again.
      3. They need to go to school. Yup, work and school. The younger chickens, called “chicks”, go to school. They learn stuff like how to say “cheep, cheep, cheep.” They even learn how to solve math word problems like, “If two cars are traveling in opposite directions and a U.F.O is flying to China, how long will it take to solve this math problem?”. Chickens are very good at math! You didn’t know that, did you? They are also are very good at crossing the road because they do it all the time.
      4. Chickens have to go shopping every now and then. While they usually never run out of eggs like my mom does, they do run out of frozen pizza and artichoke hearts all the time. When they run out of artichoke hearts and frozen pizza, they have to cross the road if they expect to eat a good dinner.
      5. Chickens also take their chicks to parks. Those are usually across the road from where they live. Occasionally, a chicken will live next door to a park. But the park next to their house is usually boring and never good enough for the chicks. So, after a long day of pecking the ground, a chicken has to bring its chick to the park across town because that park is a lot more fun.
      6. Chickens are very friendly and have a lot of friends. Not all of their friends live nearby. Some live in high rise apartment buildings in the middle of the city, while others live in the country. So, when chickens want to visit with their friends, they must cross the road because chickens can’t call their friends on the phone. Contrary to what we humans think, chickens don‘t have fingers.
      7. Chickens like to write letters. I know what you are thinking, “But you said chickens don’t have fingers. Then how can they write letters?” It’s simple. Chickens use computers and computers have keyboards. Therefore, chickens use their beaks to type letters. Anyhow, the post office is always across the road for some reason. So…they must cross the road to get to the post office.
      8. Some chickens drive cars. Some don’t. Those chickens who don’t drive cars have to take a bus. The bus stop is next door to the post office. Again…they have to cross the road to get to the other side so they can ride the bus.
      9. Chickens are very creative. Most are excellent singers while some chickens are great painters (they put the brush in their beak, in case you were going to say something about chickens not having fingers again). The chickens who paint often go to great lengths to find something beautiful for inspiration. In this case, they have to cross the road to the bus stop. Then, they take the bus downtown where there is a beautiful fountain surrounded by flowers in every color of the rainbow. Chickens love pictures of flowers and water fountains. So, that is usually the place they go to paint pictures. But, they have to cross the road to hop on the bus so they can paint pictures of flowers and fountains. 
      10. Chickens are very curious. They like to collect beautiful things like paintings of flowers and fountains, Ming vases, crystal eggs, and shiny stuff. Many chickens suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder. It is not uncommon for chickens to forget what they were saying or doing when they spy something shiny out of the corner of their eye. They will drop everything and cross the road to…what was I saying?

Well, I hope this list helps you understand the real reasons why chickens cross roads. Yes, it is to get to the other side…but they have a reason for doing it.